Community…

In our Sunday series on Genesis, Mike preached about community out of Genesis 2. What I really appreciated is that he spent some time talking about people who find themselves single. It was kind of humorous, but I guess it didnt dawn on me that Adam was a single guy until God decided to create Eve.

Mike stated that when you’re single, it can be a lonely time. But, we have to be careful to make sure we are active in the community of the church. We must also be careful about becoming impatient and trying to jump ahead of God.

When we think about God performing surgery on Adam to bring forth his helpmate, consider that maybe God needs to continue to work in our life before He brings us the person He has for us.

As a single, I need to ask myself: What has God called me to do? I need to make sure I’m clear on that first and then God will send me the person who has also been called to do that.

It is far better to have God bring me someone than for me to go out and seek my own mate.

I’ve heard it said that when you don’t need a relationship is when you are actually ready for a relationship. How true that is.

It has been 6 months since I’ve been in a serious relationship. It’s actually been the longest that I’ve not had a relationship since the divorce, and it’s been good for me to spend some time “single” for awhile.

Mind Games…

I am more convinced that defeating Satan is a battle of the mind. I have always believed this to some degree, but, just like other Biblical truth, it’s becoming more real to me as I actually experience it. It goes back to the Garden of Eden when Satan tried to appeal to Eve’s logical thinking process by asking “why” questions. He also used this in his attack and temptation of Christ during His fast.

As I think about the struggles I’ve had around my future, my “aloneness”, the panic over growing old all by myself, I’ve realized this week that those have been direct attacks to my mind. I know it all goes back to faith and contentment in Christ, but Satan has a way of building stories in your mind to get your eyes off of Christ and His plan for your life.

I am the first to say that personal Bible study is important, but my actions have said something different. Also, I’ve never really taken Scripture memory seriously. Yikes! When I evaluate the weaknesses in my faith, I see that it’s mainly a weakness of the mind. My stumblings in my walk with Christ have come from a lack of understand of who He is. If I was really convinced that God will take care of me and that His plan is the best thing for me, I wouldn’t struggle with the future. You see, no matter how much I love Him and want Him within my heart, my mind is sometimes at odds with that.

Philippians 4:7 is such a full verse. Amongst the many awesome truths, one is that Paul mentions not only the heart, but also the mind. “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I’ve always known that our minds must be guarded against temptations, but Paul isn’t talking about that here. He is talking about the peace of God which in turn guards our minds. When do we need the peace of God? When we are worried, anxious, envious, tested, discouraged, hopeless. These are the times that Satan attacks our minds to get us to question God and what is doing (or not doing) in our lives.

It’s so easy to play mind games with yourself. It doesn’t take much to come up with fictitious scenarios and doomsday stories in your mind. To play out your life in the worst possible light with nothing but doom and gloom on your horizon. It’s tough to know God enough to put your faith totally in Him….to give your life with complete abandonment to His will.

I realize that I don’t “know” God as well as I should because I don’t spend enough time in His Word. Yes, praying and spending time thinking on God is important, but it’s also important–very important–to strengthen our minds through studying about God. But, I want to control my own life and this causes a perfect mental struggle for Satan to attack.

Relationship Issues…

A friend of mine posted on Facebook regarding a family relationship that was broken and he was struggling with overcoming the hurt and pain while at the same time trying to do his part in helping to restore the relationship.

Relationships in general can be hard, but they can be especially complicated when they involve a close family member. Hurt can go deep, especially if unresolved for years. Counseling offices are filled with people trying to deal with abandonment, physical and emotional abuse, and the risidual left from addictions. When we carry this baggage into adulthood, it becomes ingrained in who we are and it’s very difficult to go through the pain and vulnerability to deal with it.

The struggles of my Facebook friend reminded me of my own situation. For me, it started with a divorce when I was 10. I didn’t see it coming and it hit me like a truck. I can remember running to my room, jumping on the bed and sobbing into my pillow. My dad had custody every other week and I remember that it was pretty consistent……….for about a year. Then, for some reason, my dad quit coming to pick me up. To this day, the pain is still there and my eyes are watering even as I type this.

I didn’t see much of my dad throughout Junior High and High School even though we lived in the same town. The desire to spend time with him dimished greatly to where I never initated contact. If he called–which was seldom–my conversation was superficial and impersonal. I left for college and said goodbye to my dad. The rescue for homesickness was always directed to my mom and I talked to her almost daily. My dad rarely entered my thoughts. And rarely did my dad ever contact me.

I got married after my first year of college and began to settle into my new family life. But something happened during my senior year of college. To this day, I don’t know exactly what triggered it. Maybe it was the deep longing to have a relationship with my dad despite the barren relationship of the past few years. I think every boy wants his dad to love him, to accept him, and I never felt I had that. But something made me want to step into the swampy water and trudge through mud and filth to make the journey back to my dad. I began to call him occasionally, then it turned into a weekly call. And eventually I got to the point when I would say, “I love you” at the end of each call. I believe it surprised him at first and it took a few calls before he said “I love you, too.” To be honest, that was the first time I remember my dad saying that to me.

One of the biggest joys of my life was when I graduated from college and my dad made the drive to Chattanooga, Tennessee to attend. My heart was overflowing and so full of appreciation and joy. I continued the weekly calls and then circumstances brought us back to Pekin. Not too long after that, my dad was diagnosed with cancer. It was a short six months and then he was gone. Life never gives you enough time, it seems, to restore broken relationships and it certainly doesn’t let you go back to try to undo the events of the past. But, as I held my dad’s head in my arms as he died, I was so thankful that I did my best to try to get know him again and have a relationship with the one I called dad.

You might be struggling with the same broken relationships. Let me encourage you to put your pride aside and make a move today to mend that relationship. It doesn’t matter what that person may have done to you in the past or whether you think they’ll respond to your initiative. I’ll tell you one thing – it’s worth the try. Do it today, before time runs out.

A Call To Die…

As part of my mission trip prep, I (as part of the team) have been asked to read the book, “A Call To Die.”  I’ve never heard of this book, so I thought it was just another book on missions, designed to prepare us westerners for the shock we are about to experience on a foreign mission field.

As I read the introduction, I quickly realized that this book was a little different than that.  It’s a 40 day commitment.  A commitment to spend time in God’s word, to journal, to memorize Scripture, and to fast.  The intent being to experience life change.  It’s a call to die to self and let the Holy Spirit work in my heart, in the deep parts of my heart.  I’m excited!!

Here’s an excerpt from the introduction:

“Whenever people talk about a “radical commitment to Christ,” they run the risk of misunderstanding what that means.  In their desire to take radical action in their lives, some people set up a rigid set of do’s and don’ts as a way of controlling their behavior. That seems right. It feels strong. It looks like real commitment. This causes us to become, in the words of the late evangelist and author David Busby, a “performaholic.”

Don’t do it! Don’t become a Pharisee who lives by rules instead of relationship. God’s call to us is first and foremost to love him with all our hearts and souls and minds. He will give us wisdom about changing our behavior, but don’t let a rigid set of rules take over your life. In the next 40 days, don’t focus on changing your behavior, but more importantly, focus on letting Jesus change your identity.”

Amen!

The Benefits of Real Bible Study…

I’m sitting at Leaves N Beans in Morton.  Since my church is beginning a study on Genesis, I thought I would incorporate that into my personal study. I am still on chapter 1, but I’ve already been faced with some severe challenges – I’m faced with a discrepancy between what I was taught growing up and what the original Hebrew language says.

This is what real Bible study will do. It’s more than just reading your Bible in a flippant way. It’s slowing down, way down, and dissecting what God is saying in light of the original Greek and Hebrew languages, and in the light of the rest of scripture.

So far, I’m faced with theistic evolution and what I always thought was the first mention of the trinity in 1:26. This is so fun!   But it’s not for the faint of heart, those that don’t want to be challenged in their faith. Above all, it’s about letting the Holy Spirit speak to me as I slowly chew on the Word.

Marking Your Journey…

In the secular world, one of the competencies that is vitally important is self awareness.  In most cases, people that are able to climb the ladder into upper management positions are those who have mastered this competency.  Self awareness is the ability to know what your strengths and weaknesses are.  Consistent evaluation of oneself is a critical component.

Since my divorce, I’ve tried to really spend a considerable amount of time exercising self awareness in my walk with God.  Just like in the secular world, we can fool ourselves into thinking we are something that we’re not.  This blinds us and stunts our personal and spiritual growth.

I’ve had quite a few opportunities to explain my life’s journey which always includes the spiritual transformation since my divorce.  To be honest, I’ve found it hard to put this into context for people so that they can truly appreciate the work God has done in my life.  This is far more than a”turning over a new leaf” experience.  And, it’s certainly more than just an outward change of behavior and/or lifestyle change.

The latest leg of my journey (since my divorce) has been one that has penetrated into the deepest parts of my heart and that is very hard to put into words without a large chunk of time.

But, today Satan began to attack me with guilt over the my failed marriage and the mistakes I’ve made.  I was at work and I felt like I was having a panic attack, like I was searching for a picture or a thought or a description to put all of this into context…something to grab onto to bring me back to reality and who I am in Christ.

As I sat in my chair, mentally struggling with this, God spoke to me and gave me and words I was looking for.  Then, a divine calm came over me as Satan seemed to flee.  I’ve always heard that Satan loves to attack our regrets and guilt, to drag us down and paralyze us from moving forward, but I’ve never experienced that until the past couple of years.

So as I review my life and attempt to chart my course from the 12 year old boy who turned his life over to Christ to the now 45 year old man who is more passionate than ever to truly be a disciple of Christ, my story is becoming clearer.

When I bowed my head and asked God to come into my life to be my Lord and Savior, I became a Christian.  And, I enrolled in Christian school.  I grew up in the 70s and early 80s, when baptist churches were at their height and legalism began to be the norm.  I realize now that I learned to become a Pharisee.  I learned to look really good on the outside, to say the right things, to act the right way.  It was not an environment where you admitted any personal weaknesses, and mistakes were looked at with judgment, so you did everything possible to avoid any outward shortcomings.

I am convinced that I became really good at pleasing others and their expectations, while learning to keep my weaknesses hidden.  I never, ever, felt comfortable sharing those with anyone.  And, as anyone who also experienced this will agree, I became an expert at living a dual life.  Pride, selfishness, anger, and the inability to voluntarily apologize for anything permeated my heart and my thought process.  To be honest, I thought I was invincible and thought I could manipulate my way through anything.

I spent the next 31 years as a professional Pharisee, viewed by a lot of people as a leader and model Christian.  But, my issues prevented me from opening my heart up to anyone, including those closest to me. Obviously, I couldn’t be open and transparent with people when I was consumed with my image more than my walk with Christ.

Then, my marriage fell apart and a divorce sent me in a tailspin. The kingdom I built fell quickly and without much warning.  The life I had been so careful to build was now a pile of rubble. It was in the midst of this catastrophe that I met God again.  Not the God that I had formed as a Pharisee, but the true God….the One who demands total allegiance and transparency before Him.

I can only describe it this way:  I became a Pharisee at age 12 and I became a true disciple of Jesus Christ at age 43.  God continues to transform me from the inside out and this two and half year process will continue for many years to come, but I am so thankful that in the midst of the pain, He has worked everything for His purpose.  I am now passionate to be an authentic, transparent and totally dependent follower of Christ.

It is discouraging at times to realize how much time I’ve wasted and how much pain I’ve brought on myself, but I’m so humbled and thankful that God never gives up on us. Praise to His holy name.

Introduction to Genesis…

“Darkness.  Water.  Wind.  The curtain goes up on a darkened stage.  A voice heard. Then a brilliant light blankets the landscape and dazzles the eyes.  The cosmic drama of salvation history opens with an awe-inspiring display of theatrics. The palpable excitement and anticipation is pregnant in the text, available to all. Unfortunately, many readers today do not sense the drama nor understand these pivotal words, rich with meaning. This narrative of origins not only opens the cosmic drama of the Bible’s theme – God irrupting into chaos to establish his rule over everything – if also lays the foundation for the biblical worldview of ethical monotheism.  God takes his rightful place on the throne in the heavens with the earth as his footstool, appoints human beings as his regents to rule his earth, and establishes laws for Israel in the order of creation.”

– Bruce K. Waltke, “Old Testament Theology”, p. 173

Genesis: Beginning and Blessing…

Today marked the beginning of a 13 month study of the book of Genesis by my Pastor.  It’s going to be a cool study and I’m excited about digging deeper in this book.  I even bought Bruce Waltke’s commentary so I can focus my personal devotions on Genesis as well.  This morning’s message was an introduction to Genesis and we focused on the first 3 chapters (and some in chapter 12), spending the most time in chapter 3.

One of the things that spoke to me the most was Pastor Mike’s words about following God when He calls.  He said there are two principles contained in following God’s call (taken from Abraham’s call in chapter 12):

1.  Don’t hold on to the things that are important to you.  Some people want to take their dreams and possessions and other things with them and really only follow God if His plan accommodates them.
2.  Throw away your spiritual GPS.  Don’t worry about where God is calling you….just make following Him the priority and be willing to follow Him ANYWHERE He calls you

Great reminders that definitely coincide with the Radical book!  I’m keeping a journal of my daily study of Genesis and plan to post some of those notes here.  Here we go!

Happiness is a Choice…

I know that’s a cliche, but it really is true.  And, I read something the other day that proves it.

“Our brains are programmed much like a computer.  Just before we put any sound, sight, smell, taste, touch or intuition into our mental computers, we stamp it as ‘positive’ or ‘negative.’  Then we store the sensation in our brains, and it permanently stays there.  That’s why you can’t remember a person’s name, but you can always remember how you felt about them….

Unlike computers, however, humans develop a habit of programming their minds to be either mostly negative or mostly positive.”  (“Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts”, by Les and Leslie Parrot)

When I’m feeling discouraged or in a bad mood, I have to ask myself whether I am stamping my circumstances as mostly negative or mostly positive.  Because, I DO have a choice.

All of us have circumstances on occasion that we don’t want.  And, many of us may have those circumstances a lot.  But, we still have a choice whether we see everything as negative or positive.  Not that I am always optimistic and on top of the world, but I refuse to let my circumstances determine my mood.  A negative attitude can be very destructive.  I’ve seen that in my own life and the lives of those around me.

“Most negative people feel they could be positive if they had a different job, lived in a better place, or married a different person.  But happiness does not hinge on better circumstances.  A person with bad attitudes will still be a person with bad attitudes, wherever and with whomever he or she lives…..By force of habit, each of us is either basically positive or basically negative.  Our circumstances change with the weather, but our attitudes stay the same.  The negative person defends his attitudes with the rationale of being realistic, while the positive person looks beyond the current state of affairs and sees people and situations in terms of possibilities.” (“Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts”, by Les and Leslie Parrot)

Good “Saturday”

I posted this last year, but thought it was worth repeating as we are in to the Easter Weekend……

I love Easter. It is such an exhilerating time when I remember that my hope lies in the resurrection of Christ. If Christ had stayed in the tomb, the work of salvation would be incomplete. It is because HE lives that I can live, truly live.

I thought about this upcoming weekend and all the significance around it. Good Friday is such a special time as my Savior gave up His life on the cross. Then, Sunday is a day of victory, when I sit in church, singing and praising Christ for leaving the tomb empty.

Then I realized that Saturday isn’t really celebrated. Although it’s part of the “Easter weekend”, we focus more on Friday and Sunday. But, what would we celebrate on Saturday? It is just the day between Christ’s death and resurrection.

Well, honestly, there probably isn’t anything to celebrate on Saturday. If you think about what it must have been like for the disciples on Saturday, you might begin to feel the depression and sadness that probably filled their hearts. They had given up everything to follow Christ by faith, and now He was dead. Christ had refused to call angels to deliver him off the cross and His lifeless body had been laid in a tomb, sealed by a large stone. If the disciples ever experienced hopelessness, it surely must have been on Saturday.

I have had my share of “Saturdays” over my life, primarily in the months following my divorce. There were many times that I wondered if God was even around, if he was hearing my cries for help. Was God even alive? What about my commitment to Him….was it a waste? Was my faith in vain?

But, in every Saturday experience, Sunday did come. As I began to doubt, focusing on the dismal circumstances around me, a new day came. The sun began to shine, the storm broke, and I heard the stone rolling away.

It’s during those Saturdays that our faith is truly tested. It’s when we can’t see God that we begin to truly trust in Him. Faith and trust are such interesting things….the interest comes in how we as humans define them, live them, believe them. Over the years, I’ve read my share of stories of people who have left the church and left God. There seems to be a central theme to every one of the decisions – that something bad happened to them (or someone close to them) and they couldn’t understand why God would allow it to happen. You see, we tend to have a strong commitment to God when things are going well. Obviously, if my life is hapy and smooth then there must be a God that loves me. But, if my life is rough or a struggle, then either God hates me or there isn’t a God at all.

I’m sure the dsciples must have wondered this as they talked on Saturday. What shock they must have felt as they talked to each other about what to do now. “How can I now follow someone who is dead?” “How can I convince others to follow someone who is dead?” “Was He a fraud?”

It’s during those times that we must press on. We must remember the promises of God and stay faithful to Him and His Word. Remember that our Savior is alive!